The Amaranthine Poet

Meloncholy

Melancholic is the most accurate way to describe the bite in the air today. Why?

Well, one reason being, I found out today that one of my favorite math teachers, Mr.

Rodriguez from my old high school (Vista Del Lago) has died. It is incredible, I almost did

not believe it when I heard it. Not only that, but ten other people within the school district

has died within the same week. One thing I am realizing, or really actually acknowledging

about death, is that it is so spontaneous. Anyone- you, me, him, her…can and will die in an

instant, and it will be a shock to everyone around us, even if it was expected.

For those of you who know me…imagine if I was shot tomorrow and died, wouldn’t

that come as a shock to you? One minute I am alive and present, the next minute I am

dead, and eternally absent from your presence (unless you go to heaven, because that is

where I’ll be, with my Jesus). It just makes me really think about the people who continue to

push Jesus away. He calls and he calls for you to come and live abundantly, with the

promise of everlasting peace, joy and bliss in heaven with him, so that you can escape

from hell (1 Peter 3-9), but you keep saying, “Tomorrow, tomorrow I will follow you.” Well,

as it has been made inevitable in the ten lives that have been lost this month, tomorrow is

not promised. If you die tonight, then tomorrow has not come for you and you will perish

with your sin. The same goes for the people who once knew Jesus and then turned away

from him to go and return to their sinful ways, or who have given into evil desires and have

given up on God because sin is “easier”. The bible says that, “If they have escaped the

corruption of the world by knowing our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ and are again

entangled in it and overcome, they are worse off at the end then they were at the

beginning. It would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness,

then to have known it and then to turn their backs on the sacred command that was

passed on to them. Of them the proverbs are true,’a dog returns to its vomit,’ and,’A sow

that is washed goes back to her wallowing in the mud.’” (2 Peter 2:20-22). Remember,

heaven is a perfect place. There is no sin allowed in heaven, no sin can prosper before

God. None of us our perfect because our souls are blemished with the sins that became

our nature once Adam and Eve took sin into our lineage. However, God is offering to purify

us with the blood of a perfect, unblemished sacrifice (himself).

I know I say this a lot, I practically carry this message on my back, but it is so

absolutely vital that the gospel be reached throughout the nations. So many people are told

the wrong things (like my friend who was led to believe hell is just a place of intense

boredom). Most people don’t understand or comprehend the gravity of literal evil and fire.

In fact, I was at the beach the other day with a whole bunch of friends having a bonfire and

all I could think of was how it would feel to be a piece of wood in that fire. You might laugh

at that, but its true. What is even more sad, is that most people have no idea what the holy

spirit is, or cannot even begin to understand the power, the glory, the freedom and the

hope that lies in Jesus. Jesus says, where the spirit of the Lord is, their is freedom (2

Corinthians 3:17). This message is so important, to this day, thousands of devout

Christians are being murdered, tortured and killed as martyrs for spreading the gospel of

Jesus around the world. Who knows, maybe one day, I will be one of those martyrs. I hope

it doesn’t come to that, but all I know is I will never denounce the name of Jesus or deny

him before any man or woman, not even to save my life. God says, “For whosoever will save

his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, the same

shall save it.(Mark 8:35)” Besides, as long as I am with my

Jesus when I die, nothing else in this world matters. Anyway, my prayers go out to Mr.

Rodriguez’s family and friends. I hope Mr. Lowe is okay, I know they were close friends.

Anyway, his cute smile will definitely be missed.

Dying Owls and Chocobos

Today started out terribly. I had a test in one of my classes so I was trying to get to class on time so I wouldn’t miss it, and guess what happened? I lost my keys! So, I am searching all over the place for it, freakin’ out because I have five minutes until my class starts! So, finally,I find my keys, and where were they? Under my pillow…go figure…Anyway, so I grab my purse to go when the needle of one of my pins plunges into my thumb…so I reach for a princess band aid (I got sleeping beauty because I ran out of Ariel and Jasmine), and left. Ok, and then, on my way to class, I tripped over a dying owl and he looked at me and I recognized him from somewhere. So I asked him if he knew who I was and he said, “Who?” So, I told him who I was and he told me he recognized my name but not my face. The poor thing was in pain…I cold see it in his bulbous eyes. He told me a chocobo had gotten a hold of his wing with her mouth and him dragged down to the ground, and people have been trampling over his little heart all day. So, I did my best to make his last hours comfortable: I brought him a tulip filled to the rim with dew (a delicacy in the bird culture), and although it made me cringe and nauseous simultaneously, I collected some fresh shriveled worms glazed with slime and mud for him to nibble on with his beak. He told me to cut off his wings when he died and glue them to the sides of my head and I would be able to fly.
Anyway, so today, I went to my secret place I always used to go to to write poetry, prose and songs (its not really a secret). I used to go there everyday listening to The Cranberries, Everyone is Doing it, So Why Can’t We? I love the song, “Pretty.” Anyway, so that place was my visual and aesthetic muse and escape from disruptions. However, for some reason, I haven’t been there to write since before Eddie and I even were together. Well, I went there today, and it was cool. Ok, bye.

Ordinary Day

Hey, guess what? Dolores O’Riordan’s solo album, Are You Listening?, is coming out on May 8th. If you don’t know who she is, she is the singer from The Cranberries. Its been a while since they have produced new material, so I am excited!You can watch her new single, Ordinary Day, on youtube. So, today I was talking to my ASL teacher and I realized, I only have two more classes until I start the interpreting classes. That is not much time. It is important to focus 100% on ASL. I need to think, dream, sign, and eat…lol…more ASL, because I know that classes alone will not make me a fluent signer. It is my responsibility to apply enough dedication to my studying so as to take my learning outside of the classroom. I try to use all new vocabulary and grammar frequently after I first learn it, so as to nail it to my brain, but I need to try harder. I really don’t have time for a job. I want to dedicate all my time to ASL and music…ya, and the rest of school, too. Anyway, so I wish something crazy and spontaneous would happen in my life right now. I feel kind of bored. I know I am working on a lot of really great things and I am having fun, but I want something completely unexpected to happen. (Please don’t take this as permission to murder me…ya, I’m talking to you Brian). I mean, right now, I feel like everything is so predictable. Ya, I know there are random, unpredictable events here and there, but I mean, nothing completely crazy and mind blowing has happened in my life for a while. Come on people, you are boring me!! I want to meet a fairy or have ice cream with a man who thinks he is Elmo’s cousin. I want to see a guy walk down the street who looks EXACTLY like Irvine. (Unless that guy is in cosplay, then forget it…), I want Captain Planet to jump out of the bushes and propose to me with the water ring or something. Y’know?? I wish I was a character in someone else’s story or book. Have you ever wondered what it is like to swim in a pool of melted ghiradelli chocolate? I just want to run again. Wow, Kix are so good! It is the best cereal in the world! (Lucky Charms is a close second). Anyway, back on topic, something crazy is gonna happen soon, I can feel it! Ok, bye.

Rainbows

Well, today I went to the DeafNation Expo! It was a lot of fun! Today was also an interesting day because Brian and I discovered a chihuahua who makes pig sounds. Also, yesterday, as I was driving home, I saw a gorgeous rainbow spread out like an elaborate painting across the damp sky. It makes me think, paintings are considered to be more beautiful and more admired depending on how precisely they emulate what the painting is of. (For example: a painting of a sunset is more beautiful when it looks like an actual sunset.) However, contrarily, a real life object or scenery is considered to be more beautiful and more admired depending on its similarities with a painting. (For example: an actual sunset is more beautiful when it looks like a painting.) I don’t know, I am just thinking out loud, so to speak. Anyway, rainbows are so amazing and I just want to point out that they in no way are meant to symbolize homosexuality. It was God who created the rainbow as a sign of the covenant he made between him and all life on earth. The covenant is that whenever a rainbow appears in the sky, it is a sign of God’s promise that there would never again be a flood to destroy the entire earth. Remember? Noah’s Ark…Well, if you don’t remember or if you don’t believe me, it is in…Genesis 9. Anyway, so when I wear rainbows on my clothes, it is because of that! Anyway, yesterday, Kelby asked me, if I could possess any superpower, what would it be. Well, at first, I thought, flying! Unfortunately, I am afraid of heights, so that would be a tragedy waiting to happen. So, I guess I would want the power to read minds, and to be able to read when I want, but be able to turn off that power when I want (sorry, but there are some people in this world, whose thoughts, I really don’t care to hear…) I want this power because then I could know immediately which people are bad and of whom to stay away from, and why some people, like some guys, act like idiots. Also, then I can learn your pin number and steal all your money! j/k. Anyway, if you can have a superpower, what would it be? Ok, well, watch the videos on the misc. page. Ok, bye! Oh, and P.S.: About the poetry comment, don’t worry, I am going to put it up soon, but if you really want to read some now, just ask me and I will bring you some stuff : *

الإنجليزية الترجمة:

Do you ever feel like you’re being watched?? Anyway, tomorrow I am going to meet my little sister for the first time! It’s funny, I anticipated a much longer wait. I was told that because there was not as many girls in the program as there are boys, the wait for female mentors generally estimates up to a year. I have only been waiting for about two months. So, I am pretty excited. Unfortunately, I hear it is going to rain tomorrow though…Well, today I saw the most beautiful fuschia flowers! They were so gorgeous, they scintillated in the sun and were surrounded by lush emerald leaves. I had to stop and admire them, and it made me think, “I wonder how much more beautiful the flowers in heaven will be! They must be full of life and must have the sweetest scent because they breathe the breath of God and instead basking in sunlight, they bask in the light of the son…how exciting!” Anyway, so Saturday is the Deafnation expo! I’m excited! I just hope everyone whose coming with me remembers to bring some money for gas and parking, otherwise I’m screwed! So, I am looking for a job which sux because I don’t really have time for one, but I need the money! I’m wondering if i should take the job that Nofar and Elad offered me. I would be working one day a week for $9 an hour at one of the carts at the Galleria. Sounds great right? Ya, well, bad thing is, I’ll have to work from opening to closing every Saturday! However, I am really beginning to consider it, I wonder if the position is still open. Sorry I don’t have anything interesting to write about today…it’s just been a very simplistic day. I try to make it so everyday I live is unpredictable, but today I failed; Today was a predictable day. well, how is my hamstring doing? Well, I am really growing impatient, I haven’t run for weeks, well, actually I ran a couple days ago, but had to stop after 2 miles because of my leg, remember? I have learned to let my body be stubborn and heal at it’s own pace, otherwise I will prolong the healing. So, now I am sitting on freezing cold icepack, and to keep from getting hypothermia, I have a heating pad on my stomach, lol. I just hope I don’t get that other disease, what’s it called? Pneumonia? Anyway, I guess I will shut up now! P.S. Do you ever feel like you’re being watched??

Falling Under

Last night was a very crazy night. I had an unusual nightmare that began before I even went to sleep: It was about 1:00 a.m. and I was getting ready to go to bed. I went to the the laundry room to get my clothes out from the dryer when all of a sudden this terrible feeling washed over me. For some reason I got this feeling that I was going to die that night, I was completely convinced. I don’t know, it was just this weird feeling, but I just brushed it off and went to bed. It was very difficult to fall asleep because I kept thinking I was going to die, and when I finally did fall asleep, I woke up suddenly and this prayer came to my mind that I used to pray when I was little: “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord, my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take,” (I’m sure everyone knows this prayer). It kinda freaked me out because that prayer just suddenly came to my mind and it scared me even more because of the part that goes, “If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.” So, it just came on my heart to pray that prayer and to repent of my sins, but I still blew it off, because I thought that there was no way I could die that night, it was just some random paranoia, and I was too tired to pray, so I went back to sleep. Besides, I figured, even if I did die, I would be with Jesus because I am saved. Anyway, so you know when you are dreaming and in your dream you trip or someone hits you or something, and your whole body twitches as if it actually happened? Well, thats kinda what happened to me. I was falling asleep when I felt this darkness kind of surround me, and then all of a sudden I felt like I was sinking through my bed and falling under. I got so scared because I thought I had died and was falling into hell. So, I tried to grab the sides of my bed to keep myself up, but I couldn’t, I felt completely helpless as I was falling into darkness. At this time, I didn’t even think to call to Jesus, I was just too afraid. Finally,the feeling went away and I opened my eyes and looked around only to find the stillness of my room and the hushing hum of my fan. This dream or feeling or experience, whatever it was, being so absolutely real and frightening, made me realize that I really should pray. So, I prayed to God for his peace and his protection and I repented of any and all sins that I had committed against him, and if I did die that I would be instantly brought in to his presence Then, as I finished my prayer, I hesitantly went to sleep, and that was when I had the dream part of my nightmare. I dreamt that I was in this type of classroom and there were hundreds of people around me. At the front of the room was a teacher. The teacher had many different faces, male and female, that just kept changing every second. I was watching the teacher when she/he stopped and turned towards me. Suddenly, her/his body went up in flames. I looked into her/his face and saw it turning black and melting off, incinerating. I saw excruciating pain reflected in her/his eyes. The flames continued to blacken and distort the face…I was so close, I felt the heat of the fire licking at my face. I looked around in shock…no one even noticed, they were all going about their own business, they ignored it as if it hadn’t even happened. I reached out to the estranged teacher with a empathetic and rather disturbed voice, “Can’t you feel that, don’t you know you are burning alive!!??” The teacher looked at me as if s/he had no idea what I was talking about, but in her/his eyes, I saw pain and torment. I was shocked that no one was doing anything about this!
So, then I woke up the next morning, ecstatic to see the light of day! I prayed about everything I had experienced and realized the meaning of that dream which I immediately understood that the Lord had given to me. First of all, just experiencing the completely isolated and hopeless feeling of being pulled into hell and separated from God, was unexplainable. I felt that I had neglected all of God’s calls and warnings to me that night to pray and repent…and wondered about if I did die without being washed clean, and if I did go to hell…I knew that would be the most tormenting feeling to know that I had the chance to prevent it by just calling out to the Lord and repenting of my sin. Also, the dream with the teacher, I believe that all the people around me were the saved children of God, and the teacher represented all the unsaved people and the people who call themselves Christians, but are those of whom God calls “lukewarm” (“So, because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, before long I will vomit you from my mouth.” Revelation 3:16.) Watching the teacher burn alive symbolized the terrible thing we do everyday. Everyday, Christians watch people walk by and associate with people who don’t know Jesus and yet do nothing. We know that if these people die, they will suffer in hell, in complete isolation from God, where, “their worm does not die, and the fire is not quenched, everyone will be salted with fire.” Mark 9:48-49. Sad thing is that many of these people have no idea. And unsaved friend told me the other day that he thought hell was just a really boring place. That is so sad that he doesn’t even know what Jesus says about hell. Its sad that most people don’t realize that hell wasn’t made for people, it was made for Satan and his demons, it was made for sin, but as soon as we brought sin into the human race, we became condemned. So many people have no idea that that is why Jesus came as a loving and pure sacrifice for anyone that wants him ( John 3:16.) What this dream also made me realize is that so many people think, and have convinced themselves that they are Christians, that they are saved, but they are not. If you call yourself a Christian, but are living in sin, than you do not know what it means to be a follower of Jesus, to be Christ-like. Jesus says that, “sexual immorality, impurity, debauchery, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, orgies and the like will not inherit the kingdom of God” (Galatians 6:19). If these things are a part of your life you are not saved. The bible says, “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord.’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day,’ Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then I will say to them plainly, ‘I never knew you, depart from me, you evildoers!” (Matthew 8:21-23) Here Jesus is talking about the false prophets and people who praise the name of the Lord on Sunday or in front of other Christians and then go off sinning and cursing willfully in their lives. Everyone struggles with individual sins daily and that is easy to repent of, but if you struggle with certain sins like homosexuality or drunkenness, the power of the holy spirit can and will release you from them. (Romans 8:1-17). The bible also says that all of us are unclean, anyone who claims to be perfect claims God to be a liar. Anyone can become saved, you just have to put your trust in the Lord and follow him and his will, depart from your sin and God will give you a new heart which does not hold the desire to live with a sinful nature. And if you are a Christian, be sure to always keep yourself in a relationship with God, because it is highly possible to become unsaved again (its happened to me). I believe that keeping Jesus to yourself is a sad thing, you are just watching people line up and walk into open flames (literally). Anyway, I am grateful that you took the time to read about my experience last night, I just felt I needed to share this, because last night was a slap in the face and it was very realistic and disturbing, and it drew me closer to the glory of God. I don’t want to have on my conscious the idea that I had the chance to share Jesus with some people,and I didn’t. I don’t want to just stand by and watch anymore people burn because I know how real Jesus is and I know he is calling for people to stand up for him and be a vessel for his words and his works. The bible says that “the harvest is plenty but the workers are few,” and I want to be a worker.
So I guess I will leave it at that! “Let the wicked forsake his way…Let him turn to the Lord, and he will…freely pardon.” (Isaiah 55:7).