The Amaranthine Poet

Capturing Irony in the Eye of a Storm

I want the book with the blank pages and the music notes on it. My psychology teacher thinks I think too much, I think he analyzes too much. My math teacher told me to behave this weekend, I wonder why he thinks I would misbehave. I think they are both amazing teachers. I walked into class late, with an attempt to be surreptitious, but my chair fell over and made a big noise and I made a big entrance. Why did we have a conversation in my ASL class about a horse’s “thingy”? Trees really do talk, just not verbally. Substitute teachers should consider ditching the lesson plan and letting us play “heads up 7-up.” Just because you are full of book knowledge, does not mean you are capable of distributing book knowledge(teaching). I am a not a teacher’s pet. I don’t need to be someone’s pet to acknowledge the fact that s/he is an actual person. Why is life more beautiful while we are listening to music? Why do singers sing about lives that they don’t live? If we sing about the way we want to live, why can’t we live that way? Reality is depressing, and art is blissful, so why can’t art be a reality? I have officially been “attacked” by a June bug twice in my life…I hate them more than anyone I know. There are little bug legs still on my dashboard. 51 years of life, 19 years of me and you never learn: A rose loves you and blooms on your window sill every morning, but you leave your curtains closed; soon the rose will wilt and never bloom for you again, so wake up and smell the roses. I lost my glasses, but I find that I can see better when I form the shape of glasses with my hands and place them over my eyes…seriously, lol…I look like a nerd, but do I look like I care? I still think that my great-grandma was a mermaid because her name means “Mermaid” in Arabic. I always thought that maybe I would inherit her genes and become a mermaid eventually…too bad I can’t swim. Are we what are names identify us as? My first name means “Heaven” in Arabic and my last name is a form of music. One of my best friends thought I was being kidnapped earlier this week and didn’t come to save me. (Hehe, I know, I know, I’m kidding, bro). Why devalue passionate music just because it lacks structure? Antonella hung my dance pictures up in her locker.. One day, my dear, you will be a better ballerina then I ever got a chance to become. I told this guy that I’m not particularly fond of Mariachi bands and then he told me that he is in a Mariachi band…oops.The time on my website is way off. It is actually 3:18 a.m., but I am not tired. This isn’t a story, this is just a “painting” entitled, “Jenna’s Brain’s Storm.” I applaud you if you read this…and now my friends, the storm is over.
<3 Jenna N. Awad<3

It’s Not June, So Keel Over and Die

Wow!! I had a crazy day today! I was attacked!! Here is the story, in a peanut-shell!

After I finally found an empty parking space at school today, I sat in my car, writing a little since I was early. I decided to leave my door open a little bit in the attempt to make a generous effort to visually inform people that, although my car was on, I wasn’t about to back out and free another parking space for them to utilize. LoL, ok, anyway, sooooo… as I am writing, I hear that all too familiar, vomitous and stentorian buzz of a June Bug…or as Robert says it’s called,” a Japanese beetle!” Now, everyone who knows me, knows that I HATE big juicy bugs, lol. I mean, I realllllyyyy really hate them. If you know me at all, you know this fact! Call me a “scaredy-cat”, a wimp, I don’t care, it’s just one of those things that freaks Jenna out!

Anyway, so I look to my left, and that little dirtbag is trying to get in my car! So, I try to close my door, but he is already inside, coming straight at me! Now the scary thing about a June Bug, or Japanese beetle, is that it is so large and loud, and flies around so ominously and sluggishly like some type of evil nymph. So, it is flying towards me, and the situation seems to turn into some scene from a horror movie, because this thing is slowly looming towards me, and I am frantically trying to back out of its way: I am crawling across my seat, over the emergency brake and onto the passengers seat, watching the little creep inch towards me as I try to fumble open the door, its not opening!!!! Finally, I get the door open and I toss myself out of the car like some human torpedo, as if there was a bomb planted in my glove box, and I was desperately trying to distance myself as far away from the vehicle as I possibly could, before it blew to smithereens. Or as if someone was coming at me with a machete and was about to plunge it through my chest before I tossed myself out of their malicious path! I must say, it was a pretty cool sight (I think), but I hurt my arm when I landed . Haha, anyway!!!!

So, I get up off the asphalt and find my composure (ya right). So, I’m freaking out, thinking, “I can’t just leave that little jerk in my car only to spring on me again when I leave.” I had to get it out of my car, because, right after the class I was about to go to (my ASL class), I had to go to Moreno Valley to take a very important exam!! So, I had no time for this creeholeys (is that a word?) SO, I am staring at him as his little slimy, disgusting body crawls all over my poor books and poor Mario…”Hm…so, what do I do??” I thought. Just then, I saw this guy pass by, he seemed pretty fearless (LoL), so I asked him to come and help me. He could have been a serial killer for all I care…as long as he rids my world of that nasty bug, lol. So, he goes in my car, searching for the little monster and doesn’t find it!! He says, “Don’t worry, I am pretty sure it flew out!” He seemed certain, but I wasn’t convinced, because I know I would have seen it if it flew out. However, I had to go to class, so I left my window down a little, in case it was still in there, it could fly out.

Ok, so, after class, Robert and Quentin (my good buddies), come with me to check my car again for the june bug! Why? Because, I know that if I am driving and that thing pops out of no where, I will die from a car crash. Haha, so, they check it…nope, can’t find the monster. So, hesitantly, I get in the car and drive down to Moreno Valley…and then what happens? Right when, I get into traffic, I see the little stupid jerk, just chillin’ on my dashboard!! Obviously, I am freaking out because I’m in traffic, and I can’t pull over, and I have 20 minutes to get to Moreno Valley!!! So, I just drive really cautiously…hoping, it won’t get up and attack me again, with its little green fangs, ready to inject me with acidic poisons. Surprisingly enough, and to my relief, it doesn’t move the whole time. I get to Moreno Valley, and finally start breathing again. I get out of my car and look at it..Yup, it’s dead. I can picture it now…that idiot thinking my windshield is the outside world, and just keeps bumping into it, trying to get out. Finally, out of exhaustion, he keels over, and the beautiful fiery rays of the sun, sear into his disgusting shell, and he burns alive. Ha, the visual makes me smile, and then grimace in disgust. So, later my dad took the june bug’s dead carcass out of my car, and that is the end of that!

Let me just say….I hope that little jerk left behind a wife and 5 kids…I hope his life was painfully ripped away like a cobweb in the fury of the sun. I hope his non-existent organs (I think non-existent) blew up in his body and he choked on his own slime/blood. Lastly, I hope he is frying in hell on a fiery brimstone. LoL. Ok, I am done with the dramatics. Seriously though, what are the odds, that that would happen? To me, of all people?? Someone who hates june bugs more than anything. Oh well, at least this experience adds another chapter to my future autobiography!

Listen to the Breeze

Was today not the most beautiful day (for those who live around my area)?? Today was an illustration of perfect weather. I love it when you are standing in a warm breeze and then all of a sudden it changes to a cool breeze!! I love it when there are clouds in the sky, because it seems like the world grows quiet, and peaceful. Maybe clouds are really made of human energy, because everyone becomes introvert when the sun disappears. It’s ok, I like the silence. I actually drove all day without music on in my car (that’s a strange thing for me to do!)

You know the idea that scent is connected to memories? For instance, when you smell a very subtle, but familiar scent in the air, and it brings you back to the feeling of a past experience that might have involved the same scent? I.e.: You smell the scent of rain on concrete and roses, and it causes you to think about a time when you were walking in the park, on a rainy day, with your friend ten years ago. (I love that this happens, because it allows such insignificant memories to become precious and allows the past to be tangible, rather than just remembered).

Well, the coolness and calmness of today brought me back to a time in high school (before I had my license). I think it was during my sophomore year; For some reason, that year was really rainy. After school, once everyone had left, it was really dark, quiet and rainy. Of course, I was the only one still waiting for my mom to pick me up, haha, so I would sit down on the steps and write…and then my papers started getting wet, so I would move under a tree that offered little coverage (it’s ok, I am grateful anyway), but at least I could write, or at other times, sing (singing in the rain, how cliché). Anyway, the whole feeling of being there was so peaceful and in a sense, ethereal. So, the feeling I got from today’s weather, made me reminisce upon that time! Am I making sense to the world?

I think the wind is just flirting with me because I wrote a poem (in prose format) about him last night.

P.S. Listen to the Breeze and go with him, where ever he wishes to take you. I have learned: just because you allow yourself to venture into other worlds and to keep your imagination, does not make you delusional. It is only when you are unable to return, that you become delusional.
<3 Jenn <3

Déjà Vu

This whole week has been very interesting. I have been having some sort of déjà vu experience! Everyday, from Monday through Friday, as I was driving to school, a dragonfly would soar over my windshield, and then a really big airplane would fly over me. This was happening consecutively, everyday, on my way to school. To make things even more interesting, I have been having the same dream every night all week up until last night, just in different variations. For example, each individual dream consisted of the same elements; such as: they all had the same setting, the same characters, and the same emotional aspects. The only dissimilarity was that each night had a different type of theme associated with and leading up to each climax. None of the dreams ever came to an end. It was as if the dreams were all sections of writing taken from scattered chapters of a book. Some people may call all this, including the dragonfly and the airplane, merely a coincidence. However, I don’t believe in coincidences, so naturally I am going to try to find a deeper meaning to it all. Fortunately, I like analyzing, because it is a great exercise for the mind.

So, I wonder if I will have the dream again tonight. I didn’t have a dragonfly or an airplane fly over my car today, but that could be because I wasn’t driving to school this morning. Anyway, now I am just thinking out loud…or actually, thinking my thoughts onto paper…well, actually, thinking my thoughts down to my fingertips, down to the keyboard and onto the computer screen. How weird is that?? Thinking my thoughts onto the computer screen? I mean, every thought in my head is immediately being recorded onto this screen. Anyone who is reading this right now, is actually reading my mind. Wow, how does it feel to be a mind reader _____________? <—–YOUR NAME HERE. It is as if I hooked an adapter cable into my brain and into the computer, and my thoughts are just being burned and transferred into the computer. My mind is like an mp3 player connected to the computer, which means my mind contains music, which is completely accurate, considering I am a singer. See how this all comes together? No? Well, I just need to hook an adapter cable from my mind into your brain so you can understand what I mean. . Well, it’s way past my bedtime. <3 Jenn<3

Destroying the Zone

Tonight was an invigorating night! I was given the opportunity to perform in an art show in Temecula. It was a wonderful and intimate experience and the other performers did a great job! Louis, you are a true artist, my friend! There is no greater feeling for an artist, than to feel as if s/he has truly touched the heart of his/her audience and that s/he lead them to the door where they might enter his/her world. Its funny because the fake bruises on my eye are not coming off, haha, so if anyone sees me tomorrow, and I have bruises on my face, know that I did not get hit! LoL!

Also, my friend, Ward, asked me a very good question. If I could choose to live in the Final Fantasy world, or this world, which would I choose to live in? Well, if I had a choice, I would choose to live in the other world. I would want to live in Galbadia, Balamb, Esthar, the Shumi Village, etc. The people over in those regions are amazing and beautiful. Those people are not afraid to dream and to explore and to conquer and to release. In this world, fear is the dominating element. In the Final Fantasy world, or any created world, for that matter, you can be your own character and it’s not an issue. Everyone has a different limit break, to explain analogically. In the “real” world, people only live behind the lines of comfort. They are content with being followers and mastering at things other people have already created because that way they do not have to anticipate rejection or failure. I don’t think people understand that while comfort is a positive thing, it can also serve as something negative. Comfort is the barrier that prevents us from reaching higher and prevents us from liberation and excellence. Comfort promises avoided confrontation with fear, rejection, failure, intimidation and ridicule, so we stay behind it, seeking protection. If we were able to destroy our comfort zones and exceed the limits we set for ourselves, if we would eliminate fear and realize that fear is just a powerless force created by our own doubts and eccentric expectations, then we could be more, give more, live more, have more, and need less. If no one ever decided to cross their lines of comfort, we would still have growing issues with slavery, human trafficking, and gender and racial inequalities. We would have no expression, no music, no art, no culture, no love. I implore everyone to be bold and to step past your comfort levels. Discover your mass potential to dream, imagine, lead, create, conquer and succeed.

P.S. I wish I could raise one eyebrow, because I often find myself confronted with the emotion tied to that expression, but I can’t complete the expression by raising one eyebrow, because I can’t raise one eyebrow!! ……ok.