The Amaranthine Poet

It’s Not June, So Keel Over and Die

September 25, 2007 on 9:14 am | In Everything | 6,382 Comments

Wow!! I had a crazy day today! I was attacked!! Here is the story, in a peanut-shell!

After I finally found an empty parking space at school today, I sat in my car, writing a little since I was early. I decided to leave my door open a little bit in the attempt to make a generous effort to visually inform people that, although my car was on, I wasn’t about to back out and free another parking space for them to utilize. LoL, ok, anyway, sooooo… as I am writing, I hear that all too familiar, vomitous and stentorian buzz of a June Bug…or as Robert says it’s called,” a Japanese beetle!” Now, everyone who knows me, knows that I HATE big juicy bugs, lol. I mean, I realllllyyyy really hate them. If you know me at all, you know this fact! Call me a “scaredy-cat”, a wimp, I don’t care, it’s just one of those things that freaks Jenna out!

Anyway, so I look to my left, and that little dirtbag is trying to get in my car! So, I try to close my door, but he is already inside, coming straight at me! Now the scary thing about a June Bug, or Japanese beetle, is that it is so large and loud, and flies around so ominously and sluggishly like some type of evil nymph. So, it is flying towards me, and the situation seems to turn into some scene from a horror movie, because this thing is slowly looming towards me, and I am frantically trying to back out of its way: I am crawling across my seat, over the emergency brake and onto the passengers seat, watching the little creep inch towards me as I try to fumble open the door, its not opening!!!! Finally, I get the door open and I toss myself out of the car like some human torpedo, as if there was a bomb planted in my glove box, and I was desperately trying to distance myself as far away from the vehicle as I possibly could, before it blew to smithereens. Or as if someone was coming at me with a machete and was about to plunge it through my chest before I tossed myself out of their malicious path! I must say, it was a pretty cool sight (I think), but I hurt my arm when I landed . Haha, anyway!!!!

So, I get up off the asphalt and find my composure (ya right). So, I’m freaking out, thinking, “I can’t just leave that little jerk in my car only to spring on me again when I leave.” I had to get it out of my car, because, right after the class I was about to go to (my ASL class), I had to go to Moreno Valley to take a very important exam!! So, I had no time for this creeholeys (is that a word?) SO, I am staring at him as his little slimy, disgusting body crawls all over my poor books and poor Mario…”Hm…so, what do I do??” I thought. Just then, I saw this guy pass by, he seemed pretty fearless (LoL), so I asked him to come and help me. He could have been a serial killer for all I care…as long as he rids my world of that nasty bug, lol. So, he goes in my car, searching for the little monster and doesn’t find it!! He says, “Don’t worry, I am pretty sure it flew out!” He seemed certain, but I wasn’t convinced, because I know I would have seen it if it flew out. However, I had to go to class, so I left my window down a little, in case it was still in there, it could fly out.

Ok, so, after class, Robert and Quentin (my good buddies), come with me to check my car again for the june bug! Why? Because, I know that if I am driving and that thing pops out of no where, I will die from a car crash. Haha, so, they check it…nope, can’t find the monster. So, hesitantly, I get in the car and drive down to Moreno Valley…and then what happens? Right when, I get into traffic, I see the little stupid jerk, just chillin’ on my dashboard!! Obviously, I am freaking out because I’m in traffic, and I can’t pull over, and I have 20 minutes to get to Moreno Valley!!! So, I just drive really cautiously…hoping, it won’t get up and attack me again, with its little green fangs, ready to inject me with acidic poisons. Surprisingly enough, and to my relief, it doesn’t move the whole time. I get to Moreno Valley, and finally start breathing again. I get out of my car and look at it..Yup, it’s dead. I can picture it now…that idiot thinking my windshield is the outside world, and just keeps bumping into it, trying to get out. Finally, out of exhaustion, he keels over, and the beautiful fiery rays of the sun, sear into his disgusting shell, and he burns alive. Ha, the visual makes me smile, and then grimace in disgust. So, later my dad took the june bug’s dead carcass out of my car, and that is the end of that!

Let me just say….I hope that little jerk left behind a wife and 5 kids…I hope his life was painfully ripped away like a cobweb in the fury of the sun. I hope his non-existent organs (I think non-existent) blew up in his body and he choked on his own slime/blood. Lastly, I hope he is frying in hell on a fiery brimstone. LoL. Ok, I am done with the dramatics. Seriously though, what are the odds, that that would happen? To me, of all people?? Someone who hates june bugs more than anything. Oh well, at least this experience adds another chapter to my future autobiography!