The Amaranthine Poet

I Am In Love

January 29, 2009 on 10:27 pm | In Everything | 127 Comments

This is not a story. It is an ardent declaration.

I am in love. So deeply in love. My heart at this very moment is filled with this indescribable feeling. A feeling that is so real and so moving that it urges me to immediately drop everything in this world and run into my love’s arms and stay there forever if my purpose on the earth had already been fulfilled. My entire world has been transformed by him, my love. Completely transformed. I lose my breath at the thought of him, my heart races and leaps when I am in his presence and I am filled with such an overwhelming joy that I am not sure my heart can contain it, which is why I am writing this love letter and sharing it with everyone who happens to read it.

He has taken complete hold over my life. My entire perspective has changed, my very nature has changed. Those who know me know that I used to aspire to becoming a famous singer and a world-renowned writer . However, I have come to feel, passionately and completely feel, that if I happen to hold any influence on the world, I hope to do so, not through fame and fortune, but through the glorification of the love of my life, my beautiful Lord Jesus. (Matthew 6:19)
I’ve found that every song I write ends up as a love song to him. Every story I write ends up with him as the hero. I love all my friends and I just pray so deeply that all of those who haven’t already, will come to know, understand and feel this amazing love, this living, breathing, glorious mercy of the Spirit of God that has gripped my heart and has put me in a place where my only desire is to worship him and shout in complete and utter joy. And to know and to feel what the Lord has done and has offered to everyone, no matter what degree of sin and guilt rests upon her/his heart, brings me an indescribable feeling of awe and love. I have seen many places, that are unhidden from all who seek, which thrive and beat with the very heart and spirit of God. Many amazing things I have seen, and these things have witnessed to me the truth of his Word and have left me without one doubt in my mind.

For those who have not already realized, all the stories that I have written, all the work that I have posted up on here and on my website have been complete testimonies of Jesus’s incredible mercies toward me. They have been figurative stories of the literal events in which the Lord has saved me from the weakening and painful grip of evil forces, which are claimed to be unseen, but whose foul and deceptive works are clearly evident in this decaying world. Even the writings, which some of you have read prior to my relationship with Jesus, is a witness to the misleading powers of this world and the desperate need within every heart for the way, the truth and the life: Jesus Christ. (John 14:6). I’m telling you, in all honesty, if you wish to love the Lord with all your heart and truly seek him, you will see the most amazing miracles and grace and your eyes will be opened and will discern beautiful truths, victories, as well as the present spiritual warfare. (Proverbs 8: 17). However, if it is not your will to love him with all your heart or to enter his love, then I ask you, please do not tell the world that you love him, because such a lie is heartbreaking to him and misleading for others. As we all need to be reminded, you cannot serve the world and him at the same time (Matthew 6:24; Revelation 3:16). You cannot walk in the Spirit and in the world simultaneously (Galatians 5:16-17)

Our hearts are searching for a truth, which evidently exists; just look around. That is why I am so fascinated with nature, with the ever-changing sunsets of each day, with the most incredible flowers and trees and fields of this world that scintillate against the warmth of the sun and exude the most beautiful and diverse scents. I am fascinated with the many convenient functions of the human body, identical and natural in all human beings: tear ducts, thumbs, eyes, feet, arms, organs. I know it sounds funny, but if you really think about it, what is the explanation for so much perfection? How can there exist such a flawless design? How? How can one explain the very souls of people, the fact that we are living individuals with feelings and memories and hopes? Why do we have so many functions which are unnecessary for survival but evident in all human beings? For example: the desire to love, human nature, the appreciation for beauty, the fact that tears create an emotional release, etc. We are not mechanical. We are not robots. We are not dead particles of the earth or pieces of flesh that sway, lifelessly, in the wind. We are living. We are life. One of my professors once mentioned that a writer is an expert of observation. Well, during my thorough observation, I could not help but question these unanswered mysteries and I refused to miss out on the truth. I have questioned so many things and have found answers only in God’s Holy Spirit. The only explanation is God. And the proof I received was in the movement and voice of his Holy Spirit. I knew there was a truth, something I was missing, and I found it in the one true God. And, excuse the cliche, but the truth set me free. And just the fact that God has given us all different fingerprints is like a declaration of his love, showing us that he does not see us as one lost entity of life, but rather as individuals; unique and personalized by the works of his precious hands.

I am in awe. But my heart is saddened by the fact that sin has separated us from God. Which is why I am so incredibly in love. So extremely in love with my Jesus. My God, who loved the world so very much that he sent his only begotten son, that whoever should believe in him should not perish but have everlasting life (John 3:16). I can’t describe how that makes me feel. All I know is that Jesus has saved me and rescued me from the depths of hell. He has literally renewed my heart (Ezekiel 36:26).

Those who have known me for a while are witnesses of my complete transformation. And I no longer care who thinks I should not express this love or share this love. I no longer care who thinks I shouldn’t think about him all the time or give too much of my life to him. I no longer care who is reading this and rolling their eyes or mocking me or who stopped reading the moment they saw the name of Jesus (John 15:18-20). I no longer care who thinks that my life is somehow not as “fun” or “enjoyable” because I have chosen to follow him. Because, truthfully, my life has NEVER been more exciting, more fruitful, more joyful, more wonderful, more complete, and more whole! (And I mean each of these adjectives in their deepest, most sincere forms, practically shouting them out in my mind with emphasis). And if this is what some have called “blind faith,” well, then I must be delusional, because what I have seen, felt and experienced through the Holy Spirit has opened my eyes to things I never even conceived were possible (1 Corinthians 2:4).
It may be difficult for those who don’t know him to understand this, but if you seek after him, you will FEEL what I mean, and you will understand how, as I write this, my heart is filled with this indescribable feeling.

I am in love. So in love with you, my Lord, my Jesus. And the thought of being with you forever, Lord…makes me anticipate even more the day when I will find myself in your arms. I use the pseudonym “Amaranth” with my writing because you have made me an unfading flower by giving me everlasting life. But Lord Jesus, you are the true Amaranthine Poet. Your Word will never fade. I willingly praise and worship you forever.

Love, your (LG),
Jen Jen

Jenna Awad

2 Timothy 2:24-26 *

2 Timothy 2:8-13 Remember Jesus Christ, raised from the dead, descended from David. This is my gospel, for which I am suffering even to the point of being chained like a criminal. But God’s word is not chained. Therefore I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they too may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory. Here is a trustworthy saying: If we died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him. If we disown him, he will also disown us; if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself.

1 John 4:19 We love him, because he first loved us.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

Ezekiel 36:26 A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh.

Ephesians 2:1-10*

James 4:14 Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.