The Amaranthine Poet

Pretty Word

Pretty words die
Crumble with
Prettier insides
Getting sicker
Lost
In what was
A mere mirage

No one listens
To rain
To “no”
To silence
To someone
In pain
Is lost

Her name
A pretty word
Lost
In a mere mirage

-J.

We Are Blurs

There is something in heavy rainfall that
Makes you estranged
When sound is caught
In the tangles of roaring wind
And
We are blurs
I had a dream once that
I opened my door
And the world was filled with blood
And blood painted the clouds
A rusted orange
And darkened damp alleyways
Where little fingers were maimed
By teeth that are blunt.
Not sharp
Because
Monsters don’t look
Like silhouetted,
Leafless trees
And limping shadows.
They don’t spread out their
Skeletal wings
And scrape against the red ochre sky.
Monsters don’t have
Layers of eyes
And a heaving voice.

Monsters hide.
Behind the cream of blushing cheeks
And eyes that smile with the laughing
Mouth
Behind radiating words
That flitter down
Like golden cinders.
They hide their forms
Against the grainy colors
Speckling the air
Which appear as you stare into blackness
And you realize
You’re standing so close to them
Staring into the vacancy
Where the soul and heart should be
But instead
You find the monsters there.

- Jenna Awad

Self Diagnosis

Many of my friends have classified me as mildly mysophobic; however, I have realized that I am not necessarily mysophobic regarding the dread of contracting infectious bodily diseases but rather of contracting infectious societal and humanistic diseases; yes, I am societally mysophobic.

This is not an irrational claim. Look at how disturbing the world is and how easily corrupted and impressionable its citizens are. It is apparent that the world evolves and its social evolutions are not entirely positive modifications, but instead of resisting, people succumb. In essence, they allow themselves to become infected. Like engaging in a ten second long kiss with a man who is leprous and infected with the flu. I’m not quite sure what would be so physically alluring about such a person…but the same wonder pertains to questioning what is so alluring about such a dysfunctional world.

Now before you characterize me as a “glass half empty” individual, which I am not, let me just say that I don’t think the world is altogether terrible. I just feel that people are becoming increasingly non-compassionate and numb to the twisted circumstances that others are enduring. I don’t even have to mention any because they are vastly obvious, but to name a FEW anyway: the position, or lack thereof, that parents are taking in their children’s lives; the treatment and discrimination toward women, globally, which goes way beyond any type of sexism; how easy it is for one person to harm/abuse another; the fact that money causes people to become entirely unethical; and even, not trying to be humorous, but the terrible turn that art/music have taken.

I’m not saying that all the issues present were non-existent before recently, but they are all part of the societal diseases which I refuse to contract. They are the leprous, flu-infected man who I refuse to kiss. They are the diseases that set themselves, discreetly, on a public doorknob or between the gleaming fingers of a pretty political figure, and I intend to wash my hands promptly after making contact.

Anyway, just a helium-like thought filling my balloon-like mind.

-Jenna Awad

Haven’t done one of these in 30 Years!! HAha. (A Survey)

…and I’m bored and I like nickels. (Irrelevant).

I love ice.

Was your last real relationship a mistake?
If I am building a sand castle and then suddenly realize that I’m building it too close to the oncoming tide, I will kick it down before the tide comes. No point in continuing to build it if it’s going to collapse soon anyway.

Do you believe in God?
Without a doubt!

Who did you last say “i love you” to?
Ummm…Jesus!

Do you regret it?
No! It’s the one person I can say that to with 100% certainty. Ha, joking…

Have you ever been depressed?
Ya, I used to work for the Press Enterprise as the mop lady and then they de-pressed me. They switched me out for the Swiffer Sweeper lady. Jerks.

Have a best friend?
Sure.

Are you a boy or girl?
Some may question. Ha. No, last I heard, I was a girl.

What did you last eat?
Well, I ALMOST ate an Advil because my mom accidentally put a bunch of them in the Tylenol bottle! Good thing I realized that Tylenol aren’t usually liquid blue capsules!
Oh, family pranks are so precious…Kidding! She didn’t mean to drive me to the brink of death. (I’m allergic to Ibuprofen). Haha.

Do you bite your nails?
No, I don’t tend to engage in self-cannibalism. Not my thing.

Do you like someone?
That makes me think of that old jingle for bread or something that goes “Nobody does it like you…” I used to think they were saying, “Nobody doesn’t like you.” If that’s the case, then thank you.

What’s your real name?
Okay, okay. My real name is Box Linnerton and I am recently divorced to a man named Shaka Khan Bertha Xll and we have 4 kids together…… ….hah.

Are you gonna get high later?
Yes. I smoke fermented prune juice and mash it with steroids and you wouldn’t believe the lift off.

Do you hate anyone at the moment?
No. I have no offenses toward anyone. Besides, hatred is such a sad cell to lock yourself into.

Do you miss someone?
I miss Daria. That was a great show. And Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood. I wish he was my grandpa.

Twirl or cut your spaghetti?
I put on a pair of mittens and eat with my hands. I love the taste of linty tomato sauce.

Do you tan alot?
No, as Shareen said, I don’t really want skin cancer. Also, “a lot” is two words, my friend. And a more appropriate word choice would have been “often.” Just a simple observation.

Have any pets?
Zell, my pet guitar. You have to feed him songs, play with him, keep him warm and cozy and give him hugs and baths. (Just kidding on the last one). No, sadly, my mom doesn’t approve of domesticated animals. However, she does approve of wild ones. We have scorpions and coyotes, and the occasional snake.

How exactly are you feeling?
I have that weird issue that occurs when you move your eyes to quickly and they ache. I’m a little achy. I really like that word “achy.”

Ever made out in the bathroom?
Haha, I think I was momentarily dyslexic, because I thought the question was: “Ever made it out of the bathroom?” In that case, fortunately yes. Some, I have heard, have not. Venturing to the bathroom is a dangerous quest. Most never make it out alive. We send our thoughts out to the brave heroes who’ve died on the toilet. (Elvis)…

Are you scared of spiders?
No! That’s one thing I am not afraid of! Now, moths, crickets and june bugs are a different story. Throw me in front of a saber tooth tiger before you put me in front of a nasty, disgusting cricket.

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
Wow! Yes! I have been thinking a lot about that lately! I think I am going through a quarter life crisis. Yep, ah (*grabs belt buckle and teeters up to my toes*), I am gettin’ old.

Do you regret anything from your past?
At times, yes. However, I’m glad my life is blemished because I appreciate, so much more, what I might have taken for granted, otherwise.

What are your plans for this weekend?
Well, today was the last day of school, so I’m happy. Plans? I plan on walking across the United States for a cause not yet decided upon. I leave today. You know what would be cool? If it turned into a Forrest Gump thing and everyone joined me along the way and by the time I reached the other side, I’d have a full grown beard! Ya!

Have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with an D?
Uhh, wow, no I don’t think I have. I have a quota I must reach: I must kiss 26 people, all who have names that begin with a different letter of the alphabet. So far, I have kissed someone who’s name begins with 3. Wait…that’s not a letter?

Do you have piercings?
Ya, I have a hole in one ear. And my nose pierced. Except for my nose, I’ve done all my piercings myself (both ears and my lip), and none of them stayed open, except the one on my left ear. I made a sport out of re-piercing closed holes, but I got bored of that, eventually.

Want any more?
What? Anymore of what? Questions? Oh! Piercings? Um, no. Maybe I’ll redo the other ear, but my pain tolerance has decreased since I last performed the surgery. Haah.

Ever been to a bonfire party?
Ya, I’ve been to seven hundred million of them! I love the beach at night.

Have you ever been on a horse?
Does a donkey count?

Kissed someone in a pick up truck?
No. Wait, is a pick up truck the thing with the…maybe I have. Regrettably so! Haha.

Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?
Ya, but not intentionally.

What should you be doing?
Nothing! School’s over and my priority list has fallen ill and we expect sudden death any moment now.

Does somebody love you?
I hope so. Jesus does.

What is your favorite color?
I am literally obsessed with colors, really. But if I have to choose, I’d say…lime green, hot pink, I like the hybrid of orange and pink, right at their meeting place…kind of like a sunset color. Ahhh, colors are terrific!

Do you have trust issues?
“Issues” sounds so clinical! I don’t know if it takes a lot for me to trust people or I trust people too easily and don’t even realize it until it’s too late. Probably the latter. I’m the kid who would’ve taken the candy from the stranger. Haah, sad but true.

Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
Peachy.

Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you?
I hope I’m not a dead thought collecting dust in the back of his left ventricle.

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
The ice cream man. He ran out of those batman heads with the bubble gum eyes. Anger and grief!!!

Do you give out second chances too easily?
Maybe. But people deserve a chance to redeem themselves. If a pattern persists, then the next chance perishes.

Is it easier to forgive or forget?
Forgive. I inscribe every instance of my entire life into countless journals. How can I possibly forget anything? Hahhaa.

Is this year the best year of your life?
It better not be.

Have you ever walked outside completely naked?
Haha, maybe if I live in the wilderness one day, I’ll give it a try. Have you ever taken a shower with your clothes completely on?? It’s overwhelming. You’re sure to laugh.

Do you play the Wii?
Yes! And I don’t know what Shareen’s talking about. Smash Bros. is the best! I beat Jay, James and Hassan every darn time. So, in that respect, it gets a little boring competing against such unqualified players. Hahahha, joking.

Do you Xbox 360?
Is that now a verb?

Do you play PS3?
Haha, yes. Little Big Planet is the best!

Are you mean?
I don’t think I’ve ever been called “mean” in my life, and if I have been mean to anyone, I am sorry.

Do you believe in true love?
Of course.

Do you wanna get married?
I guess so, eventually. I want to get married under water. And King Triton will be my maid of honor. And Tim Curry is creepy.

What are you excited for?
Um, hopefully Oregon. Oh, but there is something else I’m super excited for!!

Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?
Not if it’s just some random imbecile on the street, waving a stupid “Brehm Model Homes Up The Road” sign, with his holey grey underwear exposing way more than the world is capable of seeing without throwing up a little, and with a bad case of illiteracy and a heavy lisp derived from the angled crack in his right front tooth. No, if he calls me “baby,” I’ll be mad.

Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
Run a marathon. What do you do?

Have you ever seen someone you knew & purposely avoided them?
Hahaha, ya, Timothy! That weird, fake-accented, schizophrenic pervert guy that went to my high school. I remember I would be walking alone in the aisles at the library on rainy days after school and when I would remove a book from the shelf, there he’d be, staring back into my soul with his cross eyes. Kinda like that heavy breathing guy from “Hey Arnold!” Haha, everyone from my high school is guaranteed to know who I’m talking about. Haha.

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self
around?
I am always myself, regardless of who I’m with.

Who is the last guy you talked to?
Ummm, the janitor at school today!

What do you wear more: jeans, sweats, pants, or shorts?
Jenas. <——Ha!, I meant to type “jeans.”

You’re a Sharpie marker, what color are you?
Pink. Because pink is a color that stimulates all the senses.

Do you want to please everyone?..
I’m often told that that’s one of my “issues,” as you call it. Ha.

Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone?
Ya, “It’s a Wonderful World,” sung by Louis Armstrong never fails to remind me of my grandma. It’s like her theme song.

What do you hear right now?
The hum of the fan and the tapping of my typing. So peaceful.

Are you alone?
Why?

What quote is in your head right now?
“Fuzzy Brain.” It’s not really a quote; it’s just the first thought that popped into my head.

Do you have any siblings?
A twin brother and an older sister and an underdeveloped fetus we keep in a jar of green water on top of the refrigerator. His/her name is Ferguson.

Upcoming Performances

So, I guess people have been asking me to let them know when I am performing. So, instead of doing the whole email thing, which I am not good at (unless you want me to continue with that), I am going to redirect those good people here and if I remember, I’ll post up whenever I’m singing somewhere. Thanks so much for the interest . Sooo:

Tuesday (June 9th): Coffee Depot (Riverside Plaza location)
Sunday (June 21st): East Hills Church
Thursday (June 25th): Coffee Depot (Mission Inn location)

I really, really like purple ducks.

Monsters and Petals

Dust covers Dusk
L e a v i n g
White heat
Exposed bone
Almost
T r e m b l i n g
Behind glinting sunlight
White heat and

White heat and
That internal foam
Billow with the swelling of brazen
H a n d s
And the black holes that blister over their
F l e s h
Ripping apart
P e t a l s
Movement embodies fear
As those monsters gyred around me
Twice, like this, I saw the true face of earth
And every vesicular vortex attaches to the soles of my feet
And pulls out the jagged stars
Which blink as they spill out
Grabbing the cloak of the sky
Within me
Unable to discern
That breath was
P o i s o n e d
As I took in its sigh
Fear in movement

Monsters swallow petals

The shadows finally take their forms
Leaning poised against
The coarse skin of an Italian Cypress
Pain is

I r r e v e r e n t

<3Jenna Awad<3